This from my friend David Ascher in South Africa:
EUROPEANS HEIGHTEN THREAT LEVELS
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to
'Peeved'. Soon though security levels may have to be raised again to
'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'. Londoners have not been 'A Bit
Cross' since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody
Nuisance' The last time the British issued 'A Bloody Nuisance' warning
level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two
higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender'. The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It is not only the English and French that are on a heightened
level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and
Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing'. Two more levels remain:
'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.
The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful
Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs'. They also
have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose'.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.